


dont ask me how i feel

by AkaneOwari



Category: Sword Art Online
Genre: Angst, Klein is basically depressed and angry about having feelings for Kirito, Multi, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-24
Updated: 2013-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-05 21:13:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1098649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkaneOwari/pseuds/AkaneOwari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>no beta</p><p>He always knew he didn’t dwell on things for a very good reason: thinking would make you realize terrible things, thus make you sad. </p><p>Klein would never verbally admit it, but he was very sad about Kirito.</p>
            </blockquote>





	dont ask me how i feel

**Author's Note:**

> this poor fandom barely has any works so i shat out a oneshot at 12 am
> 
> a warm up to get a feel if ill be writing more for these characters in the future u v u

Klein wasn’t a man to dwell on events needlessly. He said things, he did things, and then he would move on—the future held more than the past, and that’s what he believed without a doubt. And he doubted his stance would ever much change, as he didn’t dwell on his stance either; wouldn’t it just be easier to accept how everything moved and avoid panic? If he could keep a confident stature and a smile upon his face, and a motto of ‘how can it possibly get worse’, then there was no doubt that he’d be able to keep moving forward.

If anything did happen to dwell for too long on his mind, he tended to cast it away and forbid it from being a matter, if he could stand to do so. Having been leader of a Guild, he was forced to face matters he didn’t want to, forced to step away from grinding and flirting and status skills. 

But if he could avoid it, if it were not a life or death situation, he would leave it to rot in the back of his mind.

And so he wished to do with an infatuation that began that fateful day, when the walls were closed in and their minds trapped in new reality. To call it false would mean he believed in the other world more; but he did not want to focus on that. He would take the task at hand and strive to complete it, as it was the one asked of him. Sure, with the promise of the world beckoning his attention, he could stand to disregard his worries for awhile to enjoy it all…

It was fun when his friends didn’t meet death at a shining explosion of virtual shards.

It was all well when his mind was active and his body active, confidently leading out an example for his guild members. They weren’t anything majorly powerful, though stronger than most; either way, Klein enjoyed the goal of having those look up to him and trust his word. He had learned from the best, anyway-the very first to talk to the famous Beater, Kirito.   
Kirito was a name mostly long forgotten, appearing only on the odd eve of a night in passing or purpose of task. Every now and then, they’d complete a floor boss side-by-side, but never together…He didn’t fight with anyone, really. He only appeared in front-line battles such as this to defeat the boss, if they requested his help. The way he moved, his body flourishing in the attacks and defense as if he did not belong to the game, but his own coordinated skill, enthralled him. It enthralled each on-looker, of course, but not quite in the same way that it would capture Klein’s attention. 

And did he dwell, on his poorly hidden attempt to drive all away with a façade of interest for only himself and contempt for people; on how he fought as if no one else should dare get near, as if he wished to be their protector. Some chalked it up to him being selfish and wanting the legendary drops, but Klein noticed that the drops always seemed to find their way onto another front line player. He dwelled on his kindness, his hesitation to socialize, not because he didn’t wish to but because he didn’t know how to, on the way that some would plead his assistance and how he would accept without missing a beat. His dwellings often led to the way Kirito’s gaze lingered on Asuna, even before the two became spontaneously close.  
And then, when the two became the only sort of team the kid had ever been known for, he realized that his heart actually ached from it. First was his gaping mouth when the news reached him, which would be rationalized by others as expected surprise; then a sinking feeling, which began in his chest and dropped into his stomach, twisting into ugly jealousy.   
He told himself that those pains were felt because he was only jealous of having been the one to meet Kirito first, that he should be the one to deserve such honor as being a party member rather than Asuna. Kirito showed him the easy ropes, which allowed him to build into being an actual leader of a guild, one invited to help on the front lines and clear the path, something strong and stable. 

He deserved Kirito’s smile and attention. 

But it wasn’t only that simple, petty jealousy of knowing a celebrity, was it? Kirito was more than just a big name to be fawned over in Klein’s mind; he was more than someone to show off, more than a cute story to share when everyone recollected the beginning of Sword Art Online. Kirito…He resembled hope for many people: those who held confidence in him believed that the former solo player could be key in releasing everyone. But he was a special kind of hope for Klein; he was a burning life force, the push that brought him forward and let him thrive to this very moment and let his virtual beating heart keep beating.

He always knew he didn’t dwell on things for a very good reason: thinking would make you realize terrible things, thus make you sad. 

Klein would never verbally admit it, but he was very sad about Kirito.

He was not sad that Kirito had found happiness with Asuna, rather him be happy with her than not happy at all-it wasn’t as if he was a heartless bastard-but he could not deny that he desired he be the one of Kirito’s attention. For awhile, he thought the desire was like Hero Worship, but when he got to that mind-ripping thinking, he’d realize that it was more than just admiration of his   
character, but…Everything.

He barely knew the guy as much as he wanted, and he had developed some sort of taboo feelings for him. 

When the game ended and Klein went through his rehabilitation, along with everyone else, he finally had the chance to meet so many of the players as actual people; including the beloved Kirito. The Kirito that sat over the sleeping form of Asuna, a princess yet to awake, talking to her and still as devoted as he had been to her in SAO.  
His feelings for Asuna had not died, as Klein’s to Kirito did not either.

He became closer to Kirito, knowing him in the actual flesh, his personality almost the same; shockingly less bold, but everyone became a little less brash when they weren’t hiding behind the mask of pixels. They went out and did things, attended therapy together, hung out with the others, but…Their bond was not even a slight progression of romance. It was friendship, healing together in mutual experience, though the therapist made note to differ them when it came to Kirito’s fear of losing the one he lost. Klein only nodded and smiled, giving Kirito an assuring pat on his shoulder.

He could escape the reality of SAO, able to accept being in the real world and conforming to it’s desires and whims as he did for the virtual reality, but there was always that fucking twisting in his stomach and chest when he knew Kirito had gone to visit the hospital, when word came that he had gone into a new world to chase after rumors of Asuna being trapped inside of it.   
It was completely irrational and annoying to be so caught up in it, but Klein could not escape; he had never dealt with emotions like this, had no clue how to approach or deal with them. It’d all be better to let them just rot away with time, let it expire like a meal he waited too long to snag. 

But emotions, they weren’t trapped in the broken world; they came with him, dancing at his thoughts at the worst of times, a two year long penalty.   
Klein could only sit back and try to chase away the terrible thoughts of what would happen if Asuna were to never wake.


End file.
